Why do They Stay?
People often question why individuals remain in an abusive relationship. There are many reasons why it may be difficult to get out of a violent relationship.
- Some people confuse control and jealousy for love
- The person loves the abuser and continues to hope that they can change the abusive partner
- Peer pressure – pressure to conform to a norm that says you are nobody unless you are in a relationship
- The person believes the abuser and feels the abuse is all their fault; they believe if they could just “do better, get it right”, etc., the violence would end.
- Fear – the violent partner may have threatened to kill them if they leave
- Shame – being embarrassed and afraid to tell family and friends about the violence
- Self-esteem is severely damaged – after a history of abuse the victim begins to believe the negative things the batterer is saying, and no longer values themselves or views themselves as capable or desirable.
- Violence is only part of a relationship, not all of it. Victims may still love the “good side” of the batterer.
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